Oxy’s pondering …
as the grass withers so shall we…
My Uncle Buck passed on this past week. My dog Fritz has been diagnosed with cancer. Uncle Buck had first been diagnosed with cancer behind his eye some years ago. When they took his eye and replaced it with a new one we had thought that was the end of the cancer… years later, surprise! The cancer began to eat off healthy tissue in his vital organs… too late to do anything, although it was suggested. Uncle Buck spent most of his life as a minister of God’s Word, teaching Christ Cruxified, and Repentence. He was a man who had a distaste for praise, patting on the back, or any given glory to mankind. I can understand this. So while some may have wanted to pat him on the back now that he lay inside that coffin, I passed up the opportunity saying: “if he did not want it while he lived, then he would not want it while inside his grave”.
I went to see Buck some weeks back when he received the news of the spreading cancer. He was positive, made some promises for when his strength would return and for the first time in weeks was able to hold down solid food. I enjoyed listening to stories I do not remember hearing while growing up. I now am able to see why my mother is the way she is. The old John Wesley teachings stood out clearly, now that I had the opportunity to observe my mother’s family talking about their belief in Jesus, the teachings of, the strict discipline, the growth in the ways of God, the misapplied Judgments, the repentence for misplaced judging, the convictions, and the iron hand of their father. I did not see worldly furnishings inside the home as I made my way into the restroom. The home did not seem to have anything done to it since his first wife passed on many years ago. He so struggled against getting married again, yet this new wife was a good choice; actually he believed God chose him for her.
I certainly stood out like a hammered toe inside the Funeral Parlor. Christian groups from different denominations came flooding into the showroom. I seemed so worldly compared to the way everyone dressed that day. I did not feel uncomfortable; yet standing in front I could see the appearance of Holiness separated by ideas within each group. Everyone there was to give respect to a man they had known as one who led the pack called “ The God Squad”. They traveled together singing songs of the Lord and preaching the Word of God. The title apparently belongs to other groups now… must have been a catchy title.
My dog Fritz has been slowly deteriorating. He doesn’t eat much, his muscles are weakening, and tumors are growing at a fast rate all over his body and inside his mouth. He doesn’t seem to be in pain, so we have held off putting him to sleep. We are keeping a close eye on him. My sister loves this dog as if he were her baby. She has been extremely stressed… beating herself up over what could we have done differently: did we neglect him, was it our fault, did we not feed him enough, why did we not notice this before, he seemed so happy just days ago, so why did we not see this coming, and was he trying to tell us all along?
Fritz generally is a verbal dog. He wants to be first at everything. He is not well behaved, and typically is a floppy mopsy sort of Lab. When he fell ill he began to losing his balance and his head hung low and to one side. He is rather a striking looker. With the weight loss, anemia, muscle mass deterioration, and of course the cancerous tumors we are trying to give him as much love and support in the areas which he needs the most… comfort, protein, guidance to steps, support to get up the steps, and understanding when he loses his bowel while sleeping.
My sister went to visit her doctor today. She is displaying extreme highs and lows… mostly lows at the moment. She would just as well be content to jump inside the grave with Fritz when he passes on. I believe my sister mourned over Fritzi’s death even before we were given news of this cancer. Fritz developed seizures in his second year of life. She has been very protective of him since. My sister also has three other dogs and she is too is quite protective of them. She is not doing well herself and the news we have been given somewhat set her back to the days of when she lost her longtime love of her life: Butch. Butch also was diagnosed with cancer and he passed on shortly after his diagnosis. He was only 59 yrs old.
My father was 59 years old when he passed on. Although he was diagnosed with cancer the failing of his vital organs is what took his life.
My aunt was in her 50’s when she was diagnosed with cancer… again it was not the cancer which took her life… she died of a heart attack.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer twice… she is living well at the dear age of 74. She was given a dream by the Lord which showed her standing in a dessert land. There was a iron wall near her side and suddenly a round metal ball came out of nowhere heading straight for her. The metal ball was huge and she understood this metal ball could take her life. A clear circle of water was like a shield which suddenly surrounded her and the metal ball hit that wall and dropped to the ground. She understood this cancer diagnosis was not going to take her life. For she believed God.
Buck knew this was his time to go. I did not mix my words when I went to see him. I was not going to deliver promises of healing… no, this is not as the Lord directed. Some people have a problem with this. With well intended ideas to go pray for healing; even having a preacher anoint them for the duty of healing, they will gather around and thus make a liar out of themselves by praying and speaking life over the person. No, God did not ask this of me, so I did not apply it. Buck knew and was at peace with the news. As he began to make promises for when his strength returned I went to him and told him: “no promises were needed, possibly after we have been inside heaven’s gates 10,000 years it may dawn on us to look each other up”. He smiled.
My sister shared with her doctor the news of Fritz and her extreme desire to die with him. Her brain is working overtime and the stress is wearing us down. Honestly I cannot keep up with my sister’s overload. I must admit that while in her stressful circumstance she made an effort to call her other sister with whom she has not spoken to in four years. I believe the relationship was reconciled and each one asked for forgiveness. Thanking Jesus for His faithfulness to work in His goodness and mercy unto those who are blinded by anger.
My air conditioner in my room died, and then my a/c in my vehicle died. I can live without the a/c inside my room, but I opted to get a new unit for the vehicle. I practically live inside my vehicle…
My old cat is getting worse. His name is Tigger. Well he is an old cat. My cousin recently lost two of her dogs, my sister n law lost her old dog, two friends at work lost their animals, my daughter’s pug is very ill, and I am starting to wonder about the pet food we feed our flock. It isn’t as if we neglect these critters… they live like Kings. It isn’t cheap buying pet food and supplies, nor is it cheap to visit the vet. I raised a daughter so I understand the health cost, but my goodness all the money we spend tending to our animals and they have more health issues arising than what I can remember growing up as a child with family pets.
Singing a joyous song to a lowly heart is like giving a dry plant one drop of water. Amazes me when christians do not understand it is ok to be sad and it is ok to feel down, and it is ok if you cannot seem to smile when someone is trying their best to make you feel better. It is better to just listen, and be there for them when they are in need of just you being there. Don’t give advice, don’t give out scripture, and please do not tell them what they are doing wrong… especially indicating there is sin in their life. That is not a support system. Pray for them, be there for them: let them lean on you, scream at you, and blame you… pray for them and you will see the Hand of God at work.
